Lost and Found

   She walked across and sat on the ledge, her legs dangling. Cool breeze wafted around her,unsuccessful in its attempt to deter her resolve.She knew that it was a crazy idea.But she had always been reckless.It was the final act aimed at deliverance of  the soul  from the darkness surrounding it. Just a flicker of light would be sufficient to vanquish the darkness.Her wait in the hope of discovering it had been unrewarding

        

       She was a brave soul,for she always swam against the tide. She held pride in the fact that she was never attached to anything or anyone.Nothing would faze her. And then the catastrophe struck.She fell in love with the guy.He wasn’t perfect, but she felt he was the one.She couldn’t stop herself from falling for him,even when she knew that her love will never be reciprocated.

 

         It was a blessing as well as a curse. She lost herself in thoughts, daydreaming about things that would never happen.It was pleasant at first, but then the pain crept in .Then came the darkness,changing her completely.She didn’t acknowledge it, until the day she realized that she couldn’t identify the person looking at her when she stood in front of the mirror.

She resolved to let go of everything and be as she was before it happened. But it was easier said than done; for she realized that her thoughts were a tyrant and tried their best to enslave her once again.But she fought hard against her own mind and soul for their control.The battle was fierce and prolonged, but her perseverance paid off as the thoughts started to lose their foothold in her mind..

 

              And now,as she was sitting on the ledge, she contemplated on the experience that was awaiting her.

She had decided  her course of action to vanquish the remnant darkness by choosing to do the one  last thing in her bucket list .She took a deep breath and let out a joyful whoop as she leaped off the edge. She could hear her friends cheering her as they waited for their turn to bungee jump.She had found herself again.

 

To Let Go

To Let Go

 

Precious as they were,

It was time;

Glorious they have been,

But eons ago;

Influential as they were,

Inert in a moment;

Magical as they felt,

Charms vanished;

Musical as they were,

Rhythm less they are;

 

To cure the affliction,

To feel alive,

To find peace,

To be upbeat,

Abdicate TheM,

Kiss TheM Goodbye

 

TheM: The Memories,

For the soul is tangled,

In their web;

Crushing it, as their burden,

Increased

 

 

 

  Continue reading

The Wait

The Wait

 

Ticking clock,withered leaves

adorning the streets,grey clouds

bedecking the sky,

emblems of the cruising time,

 

A lone soul,sat on the bench,

under the trees shade,

her beautiful eyes brimmed

with titillation,ransacked

the path leading to the alcove,

her rosy cheeks,tainted

apple red,as she blushed,

her hands kneading itself,

in eagerness,

 

Ticking clock,snow alluvion,

icy cold breeze,longer nights,

jingling of the church bells,

emblems of the dragging time,

 

A lone soul,sat on the bench,

under the trees shade,

her beautiful eyes downcast,

like the early morning dew,

tears bedizened her face,

her cheeks,devoid of rosiness,

tainted ivory white,her cold

hands,vainly endeavoured

to escape from the numbness,

 

Ticking clock,blossoming flowers,

green leaves adorning the trees,

clear sky and blazing sun,chirping birds,

emblems of the sauntering time,

 

A lone soul,sat on the bench,

under the trees shade,

her beautiful eyes,resigned

with acceptance,her skin’s

pallor re-attained,her hands

gripped the railing,as she

heard a rustle of footsteps,

her eyes searched for its

source,her face lit up

with a smile,as she found him,

her breath left her,as she

sprinted to join her love,

 

Ticking clock,scorching sun,

term ends,longest days,

emblems of gliding time,

the waiting had concluded

 

CLUELESS

Sometimes, the word which will help us express ourselves clearly, goes out of reach. This happens either if its existence wasn’t given due attention for a long time, or over usage of the same, that it refuses to embrace us with its presence in our times of need. The gnawing at the back of our minds doesn’t stop unless we find the answer. It is a frustrating experience.

 

            And the frustration increases in multifold, if it is memories that are lost. At present, this is my predicament. 

 

            I am Anamika, or that is the name by which the doctors and nurses have addressed me. The only memories, I do have are of the seven days that I have been awake. Someone or something seems to have taken time to clear out my history of days, months and years earlier to that.

 

            I woke up screaming at the top of my voice as I felt the exploding pain in my head. Every sense of my body seemed to be on high alert, making the pain more effective. My vision blurred in and out, as I thrashed at the restraints holding me. I could hear a throaty voice giving orders and now there were several hands holding me in place. I felt a prick on my arm and minutes later, the pain eased away and I drifted into a dark cloud.

 

            After hours, I woke up to a man’s face peering at me. As I sat up startled, a pain shot up my arm and head and I winced. Immediately I felt strong hands helping me to lie back on the bed. As I lay, I tried to observe him. Sharp eyes, narrow jawline and stubble were all I could observe before his voice distracted me. I recognized his voice when he spoke. It was the same voice which I heard when I woke up last time, the one which gave orders.

 

            “Hi, I am Dr. Sunil, a neurosurgeon. How are you feeling?” said he.

            “Groggy” was all I could say. He smiled a little and said

“That is because of the sedative and the medicines. It is as expected. You need not worry about it. Any discomfort?”   

 

I pointed to the restraints holding me in place and said “Why am I being held?”

 

“That is just a safety precaution, so that you don’t end hurting yourself. I will ask the nurse to take it off. Anything else?”  

 

As I shook my head as a reply, I had a dizzy spell for a moment and I heard him say “You have undergone a brain surgery, so try not to move your head suddenly.” 

 

“I had a brain surgery done on me?”  I stared at him in confusion “What exactly happened to me?”

 

“Well there are some things we would like to know too. Are you tired or feeling alright so that we can continue this talk?”  Confusion and curiosity overcame my tiredness and I gave my assent for the conversation to go on. 

 

“You were brought in an unconscious state, by a cab driver and you had suffered a severe head trauma which required immediate attention. But he couldn’t shed light on how you came by this injury. The police officials were intimated as per the formalities and they have been trying to identify your family so as to notify them. But they have got no leads and the puzzling thing is, none of the missing complaints matches your profile. The inspector, who is investigating your case, has been here daily to check on your status. He might be coming today also.” He looked at his watch and continued,

 

“I have explained him already that you are in no state for questioning. But he had requested me to have a conversation with you and find out, as he felt it might not be as stressful as it will be for you when he does the inquiry and I concur with him. So would you like to tell me about you?”

 

            That’s when the wheels in my mind started turning but it didn’t do any good for it hit an obstacle. I couldn’t remember anything. My face should have been all scrunched I guess, for I heard the doctor say  

 

“Easy now, you don’t have to strain too much. Let’s start with something easy. Since you know my name, it is only fair that I should know yours too. So will you tell me your name?”

 

And so I urged my mind to remember till my head started hurting, but the result was the same. I didn’t even know my name and as the truth sunk in; I started to hyperventilate and had to be sedated.

 

So, it has been seven days since I am trying to recollect my memories, but failing admirably. Everyday Dr. Sunil and his colleagues take on different approaches in helping me. Even the inspector tried to help but nothing seems to be working. The doctors and nurses started addressing me as Anamika and when I asked Dr. Sunil about the name choice, he said that in US they used to address unidentified patient as Jane Doe and since it is not used in India, the staff came up with this name. 

 

With every idle minute that passes, I feel lonely. Solitude can be a solace when one has the memory of moments spent as their companion. But when no memories are there, one can only despair in the solitude.

 

A year and two months later…

 

        It has been a little more than a year since I woke up in the Critical Care Unit of the City Hospital. Days passed, then morphed into months which has now transformed into a year. I am still clueless about my past like I was then. Somewhere along the lane, I stopped trying to remember. I didn’t want to waste my life trying to remember the past lest my future too would slip away. 

 

            Fate plays tricks on us many a times .It tricked me too. What seemed like a cruel one then, might have been its way to help me out .I might be clueless as to who I was in the past. But now, I certainly do know who I am. I am Anamika, a survivor.